Brett's Discernment

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting you heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are, I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon, I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals, or if you have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine and your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with JOY, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true, I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see the beauty even when it is not pretty everyday and if you can source your life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver moon, “YES!”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have, I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you are or how you came to be here, I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied, I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

- The Invitation, Oriah Mountain Dreamer

VBS was fun. I enjoyed working with some younger kids than I usually do and getting to know more people in the church. I do really like CTK and am slowly feeling more and more at home there. I am looking forward to assisting ministering there sunday, going with the youth to the Kairos reunion aug 20-21, and teaching Sunday School this fall.

Still have no clue about seminaries. . . lots of time to think and learn though.

Vocations conference is next tues - thurs. Don't know what that'll be like at all, but I will meet the candidacy committee, which will be good and informative as another step in this process.

My goal for before vocations is to re-read The Naked Soul. A lot of things racing through my mind . . .

Got some good news from a student today, reminded me that I need to check on their AP scores. I am really apprehensive to, though. Scared.

I think it is a blessing that I am realizing the gravity of my call to ministry these days. And I do definitely acknowledge that it is scary. I feel more and more each day that I realize that as I continually pray to "give my life to Christ" and my call it means that some of the scariest parts are not things I'll have to do, which will certainly be challenging enough. Instead it is not what I am called to do, but who I am called to be, and what I am called to leave behind, for the Love of my God. I admit selfishly that I am grieving these things, but it is in vain, grieving sin and possibilities of future joy (which I may still be able to achieve), which I know I need to turn over all to God. I am secure in my call, that's not the question, it's just that mentally I am taking a new step into the reality of my call. Overall I am extremely joyous in my call, I think grieving even slightly the things I will leave behind is normal, though undoubtably sinful (sin boldly, but believe in Christ even more boldly- I do). I feel that I go in with very few pretenses or hopes that it will be easy or that I will in any way be in control of where my call will take me and the challenges it will bring.

Got sidetracked from finishing Mere Christianity last week - it was taking a much more conservative turn, which I didn't anticipate. I need to finish that as well.

1 Cor 1:
17 For Christ did not send me to baptize but to proclaim the gospel, and not with eloquent wisdom, so that the cross of Christ might not be emptied of its power. 18 For the message about the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19 For it is written, "I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart." 20 Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21 For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, God decided, through the foolishness of our proclamation, to save those who believe. 22 For Jews demand signs and Greeks desire wisdom, 23 but we proclaim Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, 24 but to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25 For God's foolishness is wiser than human wisdom, and God's weakness is stronger than human strength. 26 Consider your own call, brothers and sisters: ^F7 not many of you were wise by human standards, ^F8 not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28 God chose what is low and despised in the world, things that are not, to reduce to nothing things that are, 29 so that no one ^F9 might boast in the presence of God. 30 He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification and redemption, 31 in order that, as it is written, "Let the one who boasts, boast in ^F10 the Lord."

Luke 18:
18 A certain ruler asked him, "Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" 19 Jesus said to him, "Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone. 20 You know the commandments: "You shall not commit adultery; You shall not murder; You shall not steal; You shall not bear false witness; Honor your father and mother.' " 21 He replied, "I have kept all these since my youth." 22 When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "There is still one thing lacking. Sell all that you own and distribute the money ^F163 to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me." 23 But when he heard this, he became sad; for he was very rich. 24 Jesus looked at him and said, "How hard it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God! 25 Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God." 26 Those who heard it said, "Then who can be saved?" 27 He replied, "What is impossible for mortals is possible for God." 28 Then Peter said, "Look, we have left our homes and followed you." 29 And he said to them, "Truly I tell you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, 30 who will not get back very much more in this age, and in the age to come eternal life.

Luke 9:
23 Then he said to them all, "If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. 24 For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it. 25 What does it profit them if they gain the whole world, but lose or forfeit themselves? 26 Those who are ashamed of me and of my words, of them the Son of Man will be ashamed when he comes in his glory and the glory of the Father and of the holy angels

and, non-biblical:
"Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing. . . I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don't want to believe it but, there is no man. Only that moon. " - Practical Magic