Brett's Discernment

I've been really distracted this week and not really doing any schoolwork. Bad. And my latest distraction is in some ways good but in other ways not what I should be focusing on. I have so much grading to do.

I was thinking about how much the media impacts our lives as Christians. If we are to really be "fishers of men" and be prayerful and considerate of those who need it, then we need to be aware of the plights of others. Often we think as comfortable Americans that our prayers are petty . . . and sometimes they are, although like was discussed in bible study - much of our sin is over things that we think are petty, not the large murderous sins. But also, no prayer is worthless if it is communication with our Lord.
But - back to what I was trying to get at - if we are to be prayerful, we need to not be lead down deluded paths by the media. What spurs this is the overwhelming coverage on every news show and news magazine show I have seen lately about the horse Barbaro who was injured in the recent race. I used to have a horse, that I had to put to sleep, so I have plenty of sympathy for horses, but COME ON! it's a horse! Also on last night's six o'clock news on all 3 major stations was a story about a goose who had been hurt somehow. Now granted, this is local news, but still. On today, day three of Barbaro coverage, I am so angry about it! Think about how many other people could use the attention and prayers that are garnered by news coverage. I have to think of the people, I don't know where, because I'll admit that I'm uneducated, that could use my concern, prayers, and possibly resources.
I'm not saying that I or every Christian should feel obligated to be knowledgeable on every world issue of concern, but to have some healthy perspective! We need to have perspective to remember how blessed we are, but also how best to use those blessings!
I think that in so many ways our culture makes us feel . . . oh there's a word I'm looking for here . . . our culture makes us feel like we do not have any responsibility to others, and that we should instead look up to people like celebrities instead of shouldering the cross of caring for those whom we may never meet or have any similarities to. But the bottom line is that we are all connected in Christ, and I want to know more. But even as I write this, as a trigger of my cultural perspective, the deluge of excuses comes forth - I want to know more, but I'm too busy, too tired, stretched too thin.

I want a different perspective. Or one that's led more by Christ and less by what my culture dictates.

it reminds me of the scene from dead poet's society, which I once upon a time wrote an editorial about:

No grades at stake gentlemen. Just take a stroll. There it is. Left-left, left-right-left. Left-halt! Thank you gentlemen.
You notice everyone started off with their own stride, their own pace. Mr. Pitts, taking his time. He knew he'll get there one day. Mr. Cameron, you can see him thinking "Is this right? It might be right? It might be right? Maybe not. I don't know." Mr. Overstreet, driven by a deeper force, yes. We know that, alright.
Now I didn't bring them up here to ridicule them. I brought them up here to illustrate the point of conformity. The difficulty of maintaining your own beliefs in the face of others. Now those of you, I see the look in your eyes like, "I would have walked differently." Well, ask yourselves why you were clapping.
Now we all have a need for acceptance, but you must trust that your beliefs are unique, your own. Even though others may think them odd or unpopular. Even though the herd may go, "That's baaad!"
Robert Frost said, "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."
Now I want you to find your own walk right now. Your own way of striding, pacing. Any direction, anything you want, whether its proud, whether its silly, anything. Gentlemen, the courtyard is yours. You don't have to perform. Just make it for yourself. Mr. Dalton, will you be joining us? Exercising the right not to walk. Thank you Mr. Dalton, just to illustrate the point. Swim against the stream.

From the question asked and answered by others on www.lutheranzephyr.com.

What does it mean to be Lutheran?

I am a cradle Lutheran, but only just. My parents were both raised strongly catholic. They switched and decided to be Lutheran not too long before I was born. However, that background, as well as going to mass whenever extended family was in town, does color who I am as a Lutheran, and who I am not.

To me being Lutheran means that I (try to) acknowledge, as both Paul and Luther did, that I am the worst of sinners. As Luther said, "God does not save people who are only ficticious sinners." I feel that as a Lutheran it is my call to be very open and giving of my faith. My faith, my individual beliefs, and my hermeneutic of the Word (in every sense of it) is very personal, but my faith and joy in my relationship with the Lord should never be private.

That is balanced with the exuberance that lies in grace! We are all "saved" (I hate that word), not by what we do, but what has been done for us, without deserving even one grain of His grace. However, although such unrequited grace would seem to grant some a free pass for sin, Lutherans know that instead: Romans 3: "8For we hold that a person is justified by faith apart from works prescribed by the law. ²⁹Or is God the God of Jews only? Is he not the God of Gentiles also? Yes, of Gentiles also, ³⁰since God is one; and he will justify the circumcised on the ground of faith and the uncircumcised through that same faith. ³¹Do we then overthrow the law by this faith? By no means! On the contrary, we uphold the law."

As a Lutheran, I see the world through a triangular sort of theology - the Spirit works through a variety of ways which create "right relationship" -
- God to me
- through those "nudges," through others to me
- through me for others
- and also the comfort in prayer when I communicate directly myself to God.

No sin separates me from God, but it is the grace which saves me which also pulls me back, day after day, to the Lord to remember that I am baptized and called. As a Lutheran I believe that God calls all of us to ministry to others.

As a Lutheran I do not see my faith system as either a set of rules or a salve which will give me the answer that I want. Grace is the most incredibly humbling concept in light of how much we need it when we truly realize. But of course it is also our greatest gift.

As a Lutheran Jesus is my one and only Savior. I have personal access to a personal relationship with God through Jesus. I approach the bible with a historical and grace-colored hermeneutic.

- - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - -

Well, I meant for that to be a short answer! Oh well!
I have a variety of very liberal social beliefs that are a part of my faith system, but I believe that they are congrous with what being a Lutheran means, written above.

I feel so un-educated about my faith sometimes, although I feel it has matured greatly and I have many "gifts of the Spirit" to express faith and serve the Church. I can't wait to go to seminary and learn!

Ugh I am so wordy!

Pasted in this icon from W&M LSA - I love y'all! My college home! :)

In an effort to make my prayer more a part of my life. . .

Lord I lift up in prayer:

Tricia for healing and patience, Jeff and their son as well for patience and to feel your love.
Pastors everywhere, especially Pastors Bohannon, Ballentine, and Mauney for strength in the work they do.
Dave Delaney, Chip, and the Kairos planning group for wisdom
Lori and Brenda in her decision-making and leadership at Cosby
My dad in his retirement, that he may have rest but also enjoy and let it sink in these past few days of work
my mom in dealing with him
Taylor that he may grow and know you and come closer to the Lord and the Church
the members of CTK Monday night bible study
Len's family
Mary and Katie's trip to Ireland, and Mary's continuous career discernment
Jenfer
Memere, for strength and health
Denise for patience and strength
it is really hard to pray for this, but I pray for Matt and Suzanne
Maria Webb
Sam and Ben
CFLC & its summer staff
Pat
Danny
Patti
Bear Creek and its staff

In Jesus' name . . . .

(amen)

I pray for my students daily, and I feel like it's a really healthy thing and something that I'm proud of. Praying even if only briefly or silently before every class helps me recenter, not take things personally. So I pray for my students. Every one. Especially Jordan in his healing, Miranda, because she is AMAZING! (no, teachers don't have favorites!), Derek that he may see you and calm down, and all my seniors that they may go away from CH knowing who they are and hopefully a kernel of who the Lord is.

I sometimes feel like "amen" is dumb, because although it's cliche, we never, we can't, "hang up" on God - He always hears. So my goals are to be more open with myself about my sin and also make my life more like a meditative prayer, working in habits to become more and more connected with a mindfulness of Christ and my call as a Christian.

So . . . long time no writing.

Ever since Pastor Bohannon's Sunday school talk about the sermon he wants to give . . . as well as several other topics, one question he asked has been resounding with me over and over - when it comes to church - "Who are you and why are you here?" I feel that the somewhat obvious answer relates to that idea which Bohannon touched on and Ballentine was always expressing - that we have a certain lack (Bo.) and which all voids we feel is a hunger for God in our lives, to be filled by the Spirit (Ba.).

Why am I here?

The Spirit calls me, I have been gifted and blessed and God has hit me over the head so many times with it that thankfully finally I listened. I feel nourished and continually satisfied at the idea of serving God in pastoral ministry.

I used to think that the answer to the question had to be so much more than that, that I had to have, as if presenting a debate case, my own unique argument, my supporting contentions, subpoints, and tailored thoughts . . . but why? I am here because I love the Lord.

And right now, I can honestly say that my relationship with God, by his grace, is greater than any other relationship.

I think I agree with what Pastor Ballentine told me last week, which has also been resounding with me, that I "ask (my)self too many questions."

Who am I? A child of God, slowly realizing the expanse of grace given to me.

Why did I use to think it had to be so much more than that?

Seminary is not a place where only the correct password, whispered in the right tone guarantees admittance - I always knew that part, but I suppose I felt like I hadn't yet dotted all my i's and crossed all my t's, checked the boxes, asked the right questions. But as usual, as I think is one of my greatest vices, I overthink things.

And hence the long blogs . . . oh well, they're written for me.

Went back to camp yesterday for the afternoon - tiring but worth it I suppose. It made me slightly, only slightly, regret my decision, in that I really LOVE being outdoors and worshipping with the gift of creation as a primary part of that. but that's ok, and in the end I know I made the right choice.

Also tonight at bible study someone asked the question - do we need to pray over and over for the same people?

If that question were mine to answer, I think I would've said, yes. Prayer is our way, other than the sacraments, and through the community of faith, to commune with God. We also need prayer for ourselves, that we remember those who need it, and keep them close to our hearts and a part of our faith life to include them in our communication and let our Lord know the things on our hearts. Prayer not only makes us feel better, but opens up our mind's eye to the fact that God is always listening, and in that way, our whole lives our prayers, every desire. The more we keep prayer a part of a day, and as repetitive as it is, that is a good thing, I think, because it makes prayer more and more meditative, which I see as the goal. If my/our prayer could even approach meditative, then we can be more constantly aware of God's will and the opportunities to bring the Spirit into our lives.

This makes sense to me but I am so tired I don't know if it'll make sense to anyone else. And with that, goodnight.