Brett's Discernment

So many people to pray for, near and far, around the corner and far away. Among those far away: -the mining community(ies) of WV upon the death of 29 in a mining accident last week-
-the community of Valparaiso University upon the death of Pastor Darlene Grega. How saddening. It takes my breath away. What is there to say? Suicide. The first ELCA pastor serving the chapel of the resurrection and the campus, and the first woman also . . . How does it twist my stomach to think that she was probably planning to attend the Institute for Liturgical Studies there at Valpo this coming week, which focuses this year on funerals, with the theme, "we all go down to the dust."-
-all of the communities feeling so literally and figuratively unstable because of earthquakes and other natural disasters.-
- So many others . . .
I am so blessed. My little concerns are so little.
I do worry how I would minister to communities in times like this. . . But I do trust that the Holy Spirit would just have to take the reigns, so to speak.

There is not much else to say.


Prayer is so important.


I realize my own ineloquence (that's not a word? totally should be) here.

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As they'd say on This American Life, "and now we've come to Act 2 of our program" -or as Monty Python would say "and now for something completely different" - (or is it?)

Today (and last night) I preached at my field education church, Christ Lutheran in Kulpsville, PA. I am realizing how at home I feel there in many ways and how much I will miss it. My last Sunday (and the next and last time I will preach there) is May 23. Amazing how fast this year has gone by, how much has changed. Wow. If you had told me April 11, 2009 where I'd be right now in my life, I wouldn't have believed you . . .

Anyway, the gospel text for today is as follows:

When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jewish leaders, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you." When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained." But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe." A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe." Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!" Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe." Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.

This sermon was as most others were, quite troublesome in its "birthing" process. I thought a lot about about 20 different strands, which I keep in a word document separate from the finished sermon for each time I preach, so that hopefully I have kernels to restart on another time.

Some of the things I talked about included:



But then I also thought about the Mason Jennings song, "Jesus are you Real" but not until tonight, and wished I had gone that direction for my sermon, as it really preaches to me all the time but especially right now, and in light of all the things, people, places, communities to pray for:

Jesus are you real
Or did we make you up
Is salvation what you want
Or is faith enough

Do you know where I'm bound
Do you know who I am
Are you just a word I use
When I don't understand

Standing at the statue in the sea
In a little truckstop in Tennessee
And bombs are crashing down in waves
On the giant TV screen

And I am struck I cannot move
To make it stop what can I do?
People are dying in their beds
While this flag flies over our heads

Jesus are you stronger than a loaded gun
I'm beginning to believe you're not the only one
Strong enough to show your love
Strong enough to give
Strong enough to go through hell
Strong enough to live

And all night long I sat with you
In a darkened hospital room
And nurses checked in by the hour
I was made aware of a higher power
And how this fragile life we live
Is not ours to keep but ours to give
What in the world am I gonna do if anything should happen to you?

All I do is doubt you God
All I do is love you God
All I do is question you
What else can I do?
This world was never solid ground
The past is coming back around
All I do is search for you
What else I can do?

And when I say I search for you
I mean I search for peace
I search for hope
I search for love
And one day for release

Jesus my life does not feel the same
New things happen every day
Things I can't explain
I am not a man of faith
I'm a man of truth
But is this feeing in my heart
Is this feeling proof?

And when you do not know you know
And when you know you do not know
And when you think you do you die
And when you do not think you grow

Are we left here in the dark
Or are we left here in the light
Seems to me that both are true
And it's up to us to know what's right

And all I do is doubt you God
And all I do is love you God
All I do is question you
What else can I do?

This world was never solid ground
Religion cannot help me now
All I do is search for you
What else can I do?

And when I say I search for you
I mean I search for peace
I search for hope
I search for love
And one day for release

God give me strength to accept the things
That I just cannot know
And even when I lose control I will not let you go

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But here is the sermon I actually preached, kind of - especially as I got to know the sermon it changed a lot in its actual delivery and there were pieces removed, added:

Thomas gets a bad rap. We think, honestly, who wouldn't doubt, just as he did? He's not the only doubter. We'll come back to Thomas, but I want you to imagine yourself in that room where Thomas' scene takes place – where Jesus appears – there are other disciples there, behind those locked doors. . .

What about those locked doors . . . locked doors behind which the other disciples sat for days. They are disciples of the risen Christ – they have been visited a whole week before Thomas is in our story for today. Which makes me wonder – what did Jesus say to these disciples in his previous appearance?

When Jesus first greets the disciples in the locked room without Thomas, Jesus says - “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.”

So I send you – out into the world! And yet we find the disciples, eight days later, hunkered, afraid, in the locked room, when Jesus returns to meet Thomas. Jesus rose from the grave for them, defeating death, and these disciples cannot even rise from their seats and behind the locked room to serve the world. Something's not right here, and it isn't just Thomas' doubt. All the disciples are paralyzed by fear, though different types.

Thomas' fear is of trusting his belief in the risen Christ – his fear is how could someone defeat death? How could this be?

But the other disciples fear also – they fear human authority – it is locking them in the room, keeping them from what Jesus has commanded them – to be sent into the world. This is a sharp contrast – the locked room is the opposite of the statement of faith made in Acts by the disciples who are on trial for their faith, who say - “We must obey God rather than any human authority.”

The disciples who are locked in the room for those many days are afraid of human authorities, and by fearing them, they are obeying human authorities over God, revealing who they really trust.

Isn't it true that, what we are afraid of reveals what and who we really trust.

I must agree with author Barry Glassner that our culture is a culture of fear -

Our news stories run rampant to catch your attention with the newest thing to be afraid of. Remember Y2K? Remember Killer Bees? Even on a bright, beautiful Sunday morning like this, with the light and knowledge of Easter, we are afraid. And we cannot avoid it.

You see, we are locked up too. Even the most well-meaning warnings of loved ones and other authorities can create this nagging doubt of our subconscious, creating fear, locking into place.

We are afraid daily of human authority in that we give other people power to value us. We doubt and worry what others will say about us, think about us, what category they will put us in, especially if we share our faith as the disciples are and we are called daily, to be sent, wherever we are going, bearing the name of Jesus.

It is hard for me to think of these disciples as being afraid. They had met Jesus, known him, seen the miracles, heard the teaching – what do they have to be afraid of? As weak and honest as it is, I think it is comforting that even the disciples, the friends of Jesus were afraid and doubting.

What do the disciples in the locked room have to be afraid of? Ultimately, they are afraid of two things – they are afraid of human authorities, of society, of what others will say about them, but behind that, it is because they are afraid of death.

Ironically, I think even as this fear tries to pull us away from trusting God, it drives us back to Christ. In times of fear and longing we are driven back into community with each other – to pray, to be around family, and other believers. Isn't it amazing how God works – fear – which leads us to doubt and instead trust everything but God – actually drives us back, reminding us that we need God.

Even though Thomas isn't sure he believes, he stays. This is a witness to us. Thomas knows, just as we do, that doubt does not exclude us from the body of Christ. We learn from Thomas the truth that we feel – some of those days when you feel least like getting up and praying or going to church are the days when the Holy Spirit surprises you and blesses you by your presence and practice of just being in the family of faith.

Jesus liberates Thomas – freeing him from his fears of what it means to really believe and trust that Christ is risen – Alleluia. Jesus liberates Thomas – the one who doubted vocally – not the goody two shoes of the group – but the doubter makes the most clear statement of faith in the entire gospel. Jesus liberates Thomas, and Thomas can do no other than proclaim, “My Lord and my God.”

But imagine being there in the room. This is not a private conversation.

I'd like to suggest that what Jesus is doing here is a favorite trick of parents – talking just loud enough and with just the right message so that it seems like you are only talking to the person in front of you but really you're expecting to be intentionally overheard – like – if someone is a good girl/boy and cleans up the playroom we might have ice cream, or one overheard recently if someone doesn't go to sleep the Easter bunny won't come . . .

Jesus works on all the disciples – his presence brings about about this amazing, overheard grace. Thomas' conversation with Jesus and statement of faith had an impact on the whole room and on us today. Overheard grace. None of us are alone. And while living in society means that we make each other anxious and we worry about human standards and , Jesus works around this, letting us overhear grace from each other.

Jesus is present in others, even in the last people we might think. And the amazing thing is that by living in community we get to overhear God's grace and presence working in each other, daily. This liberates from our fears and little worries that we put on ourselves by attending so much to society's concerns.

Overheard grace.

Some years ago now, but always fresh in my mind is the experience of leading a small group of 12^th graders at a high school youth retreat. These kids all came from different parts of the state and from some radically different homes, lives, and struggles. One member of the group, let's call him Thomas, over our week together gradually admitted to us that he really didn't believe for sure in this whole Jesus is the son of God and savior thing, and he wasn't sure about God's presence in his life at all. Thomas had been sexually abused by his father, raised in a devout Catholic household, never felt like he knew who to trust, and faced the pressure and struggle of human authority now to define who he was going to be – where to go to college, what path to follow. But somehow, the Holy Spirit worked that week, and by our last evening and day together, in our own little room of disciples, Thomas made the most honest statement of faith as we talked and prayed together. But the grace didn't stop there. God is present and shows an active involvement in our lives, because God promised. But the grace does not happen alone in a soundproof room. From that small group where the Holy Spirit entered and changed Thomas' life, the other disciples in the room were also changed by this overheard grace. Though I have lost touch with Thomas, there are others in this group, now well into college, that I still run into and they say – do you remember how God worked in Thomas?

We overhear grace daily, through which Jesus liberates us from our fear, unlocking the room, sending us out. I am often humbled by this. I will be so worried, fearful about my long to-do list and then I will just be stopped in my tracks, overhearing grace, God's love from a friendly checkout person, or in strangers who help each other collect something that has fallen in the middle of the grocery store. Grace doesn't just come through direct, lightning-bolt forms of the Holy Spirit, but from stories of grace and love that we see and overhear. Overheard Grace. In a hug from a friend or seeing a parent comfort a crying child.

Jesus' first message to the disciple Thomas in that room is clouded by our English – but in Greek it is clear that the “you” is plural – not “peace” only to Thomas but to all the disciples – to all of you and to each one of us. So “Peace be with you. You all.” (as we say in virginia, all y'all) The first messages of Easter that the risen Christ brings and Holy Spirit breaks into our hearts today is just that - “Peace.” Peace that breaks us of our fears. God will break through all of our concerns and be present, as promised, and show around us, through overheard grace, abundant love. Peace be with you. My favorite Easter tune I hum quite often, #388 in the ELW, these words from the Taize community, “Be not afraid, sing out for joy. Christ is risen, Alleluia.” Amen.