Brett's Discernment

I am feeling lately that my discernment and faith life in general perhaps isn't as much about the answers as the questions. I am okay with that.

We need a campus pastor/chaplain whose responsibility is for the spiritual health of the students here at LTSP. I have been saying this since I arrived, spreading the word, talking to people about this. I almost went to LTSS because this is an area in which they are very strong and their pastor is very insightful and would teach me a lot, I think. How can we model positive pastoral care and the importance of a pastoral relationship for spiritual growth if that isn't a forthright intent here on campus?

But when I think about this and having talked about it to people a lot, more questions bubble up in me. This is what Pastor Bell is for, and I think she does a good job. But people don't utilize her enough. Why is that? If we had a campus pastor, would people utilize him/her? Or is this really about clear/clearer definition of roles?

Other students largely and vocally agree with this need on campus. And yet, why is it that last fall when I tried to start a bible study/prayer group of my peers, the idea of that met lukewarm reception at best? Maybe I will try again today. I feel self-convicted in this. There is no reason why I or anyone else cannot seek out and build up community and care for our spiritual lives.

If we need spiritual care so badly for seminarians, why is it that attendance in chapel is so low? Aren't we here because we confess and witness to the importance of a healthy church for the building up of the body of Christ? Not to mention matins and compline, offered every weekday. Would having a campus pastor help? How could this be helped that we could be a community that gathers around our liturgy of life to worship as one body, joyfully, finding nourishment at the font, table, word?*

Why is it that over December break and January term some of my classmates only attended church once or twice? Aren't we here because we are leaders called into service who love God and love worshipping him? Are we, too stuck in wanting to worship the way or the time that we are most used to or fits us best? In this community which should be obviously intentionally Christian, shouldn't this be the easiest place to find spiritual nourishment?

This is not to say that there are many avenues of spiritual care and nourishment offered to us here. Quite the opposite. Many people see spiritual directors, counselors, share relationships with local pastors, worship regularly outside campus or field ed, and of course pray, read and study on their own, et cetera.

This proclaims to me the importance of several things in my own self:

• I and many others get a lot out of chapel services, praying at matins and compline, and having prayerful conversations with friends
• I am going to try again with more deliberate direction to start a bible study/prayer group.
• I am going to encourage others to come to chapel with me more and try to be better about my attendance at compline because some nights I am really tired, but God always meets me there in prayer if I can just put on my shoes and walk there.
• I will continue to try daily to see my studies as a prayerful thing. In some of my classes, this is extremely easy and joyful this semester, so that is good. But I need to remind myself that I don't have to like, enjoy, or agree with everything, but everything is formative and relevant in some way.
• I am going to try to continue to be intentional about doing one thing at a time, doing quality work, and not stressing out.