Brett's Discernment

I am done one week of CPE. It was tiring. Two days of general orientation to CPE, a day of orientation to the hospital and the spiritual care department there, and then yesterday most of the day on my assigned floor. I have a supervisor, a mentor, and many other wonderful people at St. Mary who are helpful and supportive. I am really glad I found a program that is very well organized and has great people behind it. At right is a picture of the hospital. I was going to take a picture of my hospital badge, beeper, and other accoutrements but I am still on my sad old Toshiba as the HP has been down since the day before my confessions exam (and when I can get it working again it will show me all my confessions notes and outlines I couldn't access right before the exam. ugh).

Some things that I have been contemplating the last few days . . .
- This is a wake-up to my sensibilities to be more sensitive to all denominations but specifically Catholicism. I work in a Roman Catholic hospital, and all of the staff (except maybe 1) of the spiritual care dept. is Catholic. There is mass daily, which I have been to both days we had opportunity. I'm not sure how I feel about making mass a daily part of my prayer/spiritual practice. It is always good to hear scripture and be in a congregation to worship, but there are parts of it that I just really disagree with and make it somewhat uncomfortable (maybe that is too strong - perhaps "distracting" is better) for me. Just to give some context to that statement, those things include not offering communion in both kinds to the laity. Only the priest drinks the wine. I thought Vatican II had happened . . .
- If I were in the hospital, ailing from something somewhat serious, what would I do if a chaplain knocked and came into my room?
- I feel really ok with knocking and visiting patients who are alert/awake. But what about people who are on respirators and/or cannot speak to me? I have many thoughts about this. I know that some of the chaplains will just say a little prayer for the people who are sleeping or unconscious, and I am ok with that. Also something that I've found hard is that all the rooms on my floor have the possibility of having two beds in them, one you cannot see if the curtain is drawn. I think patients have a need for privacy sometimes, though nurses and doctors cannot, as necessitated by their duties, always respect that. I feel like the two beds/curtain situation makes me feel awkward. Plus, if I have a conversation with a patient with a roommate, how private is that conversation? This whole line of thinking is definitely one of my "growing edges." Maybe I will just get more used to it by the end of the summer.
- I enjoy listening. I actually do. So I feel very comfortable keeping people company by talking to them and hopefully comforting them, maybe making them smile. I do not think I am not doing my job if I do not pray with each patient, but am I being mindful enought that I am there as more than just a secular companion? Nevertheless, I had probably my best conversation of the day yesterday with a patient who told me he has no religion at all.

In other (old) news:

• the semester is over! I wish I had all my grades, but oh well, they will come eventually. I did my best. I learned a lot.
  
• I am taking a German class all June on Monday and Wednesday nights. So hopefully by July I'll be able to (at least) read German!
• This last semester was rough for me in a lot of ways, but finally both my feet are healing. Now only if I could get my stupid HP fixed again. I'm on month five now of this not working. It's a long story. My complaint letter to HP Corporate HQ is like 8 or 9 pages long.
  
• I went to visit Cosby when I was home in VA last week. It was great to see all my former colleagues/friends. I really miss them and the amazing work they do and we used to do together. I also got to see a bunch of my amazing former students, so that was really awesome. I felt very loved. They are great kids and I wish them all the best. The one day this summer I would most like to be in VA would be next Friday for their graduation, but I cannot miss a weekday of CPE and it is in the middle of a 12-day stretch of working CPE. I will be praying for them on that day, though.