Brett's Discernment

I was watching fireworks on the fourth of july and I realized - I was kind of disinterested in the show, and I kept watching thinking - is this the big finale? when is the big finale coming? I realized that I rated these shows as well as other things in life, by the big finish. In many other ways in life, this holds true also - the ends are what I focus on, not the means. I like the product much more than the process.

I think this is in some ways a sign of immaturity. I want my students to know and be able to use the information - more than I like teaching it. Because I had a very serious, intense relationship, when (not if, hopefully) I have another romantic relationship I want to skip to that level of trust and closeness. I'm not good at keeping in touch with friends with whom small talk only usually ensues. It's not even that the "ends justify the means" for me - it isn't about justification for me - but anticipation.

Kind of like how certain pastors have always said we're an "Easter people" - that we look so constantly toward the joy and the promise of Easter - and I talked about this in a blog a while back. Easter is the fireworks grand finale in the most magnified and glorious form for Christians. And there is nothing wrong with that. But I am not an Easter person. I believe strongly in the grace given by Christ at Easter and the actions of Easter, but it is not the end (haha pun) all-be-all of my faith. I want to know more, I want to enjoy and know more about the process, my process, my faith walk, as well as that of others.


In my faith, I am enjoying the means, enjoying the journey, the walk with Christ before Easter.


I guess it relates back to our culture's "affluenza" and the instant gratification that comes so easy to us and we come to depend on. We want the best, and just as we are accustomed to, we expect to receive it posthaste. The means - by which our clothes, our McDonalds, our wealth, our stuff that fills our lives, and so much of our superficial selves - are not important at all to us; and when it is revealed, the sometimes low and baseless means by which we really achieve this comfort, we are astonished and appalled . . . For about five minutes.

As much as this is a hard message both to "preach" and to live by, I believe that one of our calls as Christians is to be uncomfortable. Not in any specific way, than to just be outside our "comfort zone."

I am really excited about the means or process of following my call to ministry. In my faith walk, the means, the process, the growth enabled by God's grace, is the true joy. I think lots of people see (more) faithful Christians and want that confidence, that faith, and try to imitate, but fall short, because they are imitating the ends, and not letting the process be guided by God in their lives. This relates back to the verse my small group had to proclain at Kairos - Eph. 4:25-5:2 : being imitators of God (not people). Also then, Gal 1:10, which I am continually called back to - not pleasing people.

Just like finding my true faith, as a child I was afraid and unenthralled by fireworks. I think if people think about it, they can see themselves in this simplified faith walk taken through the metaphor of fireworks:
Step one: fear and disinterest - the noises, the mystery of it all is frightening and not a part of one's everyday life.
Step two: waiting for the grand finale, not enjoying the process or means - being enthralled by the grand finale (mountaintop experiences like Winter Cel, Kairos, Small groups, youth groups) but not taking that joy any further than that moment.
Step three: enjoying the process, taking the joy of the entire show, the silence between the heart-pounding moments, and taking that joy from there and reflecting it to others.

With fireworks, I haven't quite made it the whole way to step three. but with my faith, I'm there - enjoying the show and hoping to reflect the joy to others.