Brett's Discernment

I need to do a better job with leaving behind the politics of an organization or group (even church or faith-based ones) and gossip and do a better job at seeing Christ in situations.
At right is my small group, 14, from Kairos '07. Up until this point, I had always felt like God had given me really challenging kids in a lot of different situations, who were in times of crisis and needed to talk to someone or come to some climactic moment. I learned a big lesson at this Kairos because I know it won't always be this way, and that's ok. That doesn't lessen the experience or mean that I've served less. I meet people with my faith, where they are, and try to build on that.
Often these synod youth events have small group experiences in which kids have these deep, deep, secret-divulging conversations, and very emotional things which can result in hard-to answer/find God with such hard life circumstances. But that is not what happened in this group, or what they needed. It was a close, curious group, but had basically had been well-churched, but had a few basic faith/Lutheranism questions that needed to be answered, so sometimes it felt more like confirmation class (as some of the questions were really basic). I think God pairs these small groups and their leaders, and that He does a good job (of course). I am much more well-read, better versed in scripture to support the beliefs I have, and so I felt like God did at least a little bit of work through the Spirit through me. Kids constantly amaze me though, with their insight, love, assumptions, and troubles.
An update on my earlier post - I have been and had others praying for my dear student who is sick. She went to M.D. Anderson in Houston for treatment and they have decided surgery is an option. She will have (among other tissues in the area) her vocal chords removed, so she will permanently have a hole in her throat and have to learn a new way to talk. She is home now visiting before her surgery. She teaches me so much about hope and love as she sees life so optimistically, now more than ever, and is excited to learn her new way to talk and get back to school after maybe three more months in Texas. I cannot wait to have her back because (as I pray), I cannot imagine her hope or confidence in herself flogging, and so she will be such a shining example to other students. Her peer friends have also learned a lot of lessons from her also, I know.
I had a dream last night about my call and candidacy. I won't go into detail here, nor do I really put a lot of stock in dreams. However, I do have very, very lifelike vivid dreams which can shake me up sometimes. This one reinforced for me how excited I am about following God's call for me and getting to seminary and through candidacy, etc. Vocations conference is coming up in August and I am pretty excited about it, though admittedly also a little anxious as well.
I self-criticize perhaps too much about the execution of my call and getting to seminary - but I know, that in my heart I love God and am really excited about my call, and it is only between myself and Christ. I have grown so much in these (what will be three) years of teaching, and I love my work in teaching as my call and looking at the deep relationships I've formed with students. I needed this time off desperately before seminary, to feel like a true adult, be independent, and be in a new congregation and make my own community and live out my faith completely on my own, as an adult, as a colleague to others, not a junior, as an adult. I am a very different person than when I graduated college two years ago. My broken engagement was the right thing to happen but took some healing time and re-focusing on my faith walk that has been invaluable to who I say that I am now, and more importantly, whose I say I am. There has been some pain and lonliness in these years, but I have grown infinitely from it and having the world wide open to me, not structured, but seeing just where God and my passions lead. And of course, as Christ calls, I am made to follow.

Labels: call, vocation