Brett's Discernment

Mason Jennings is hands down my favorite singer/songwriter/artist. This fall he will come out with his next album, which is a little darker and focused on his understanding of the world and its issues - global warming, war, etc. This video is my favorite new song of his, called The Field. (The song starts about 2:30 through.) It is powerful, about a family that had lost a child in the war. Some of the lyrics that particularly strike me -

If I was the president, if I was that man,
I would walk out with those kids out across the sand.
If I was the president, if I was that brave,
I would take a shovel, then dig each child their grave.
If I was the president, and my world turned back.
I wouldn't want no victory, I'd just want you back.
I don't want no victory, I'd just want you back.
I don't want no victory, I'd just want you back.
I don't want no victory, I'd just want you back.

This piercing words also make me think about a God who put God's very self on the cross in Christ, just to get us "back" - the ultimate act of love, getting someone back.

I have been very upset lately with what all is going on the world - wars, desolation, and yet in America we have been fixated on the death of a once-ridiculed singer.

On the day of Michael Jackson's memorial, when the regular broadcast news was crowded with news of this one person's death and the thousands mourning, I watched NewsHour with Jim Lehrer on PBS. At the end of the program, as he generally does, they had a moment of silence for each American soldier reported dead that day. It is powerful to see these young faces - and for the television to have no sound for even those few minutes. But where are their memorials broadcast on t.v.? In the hospital people die every day, some completely alone like the 100 year old Lutheran woman I had on my floor a couple weeks ago, who had outlived her family and all her friends, and didn't have a soul in the world to come and sit bedside with her and listen or just be there, celebrating her life. Except me, I suppose, that is part of my job.

And so, I am really enjoying CPE. It is hard, hard work, and I am exhausted at the end of each day. Just introducing myself to so many new people a day and trying to be open to them to forge supportive relationships is hard work. But when it comes down to it, I love it. I have been privy to some very sacred moments and trying times, at death and with families and people questioning their faith in the face of illness or hardships piled on top of each other. I have not done a perfect job, but I have done the best I could. I know more than ever some of my "growing edges" or weaknesses, but CPE is a good time to meet them head on and challenge myself.

Most of all, I feel very affirmed and confident in God's call of me to ministry and thankful for my opportunities. Some days are more challenging than others but I feel comforted that my faith and the theology I personally hold gives me peace and comfort for meeting people where they are. I am really thankful that I had pastoral care class right before starting CPE, as well as Lutheran Confessions.

I am wrestling with applying for a part time job teaching Latin online. Maybe I will apply, maybe not. I'm not sure about making time commitments and how many hours I could devote to a job this fall. We'll see. As with everything else, I'm still discerning. I guess that's a good way to think about everything.

Peace+