Brett's Discernment

Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown, will you let my name be known?
Will you let my life be known in you and you in me?

I really like this hymn and I think it summarizes the challenge that Jesus gives us to be disciples and make new ones.

Today was a better day, and it made me feel more at peace with teaching for another year to pursue seminary the following year. I really can't complain too much about this first year of teaching.

Still kind of back and forth about the Bear Creek Camp position. And I am not assuming at all that I will be offered it, but I think it is also important for me to individually make this choice about whether I really want it before being lured by possibly being offered it.
I am leaning like 75% toward continuing teaching even if they offer the camp job to me. I think it would be kind of silly and irresponsible to take the position when I know that I want to be in seminary ASAP. and while I still see outdoor ministry as very highly important, valuable, and a possible later career for me, seminary is where I feel called and pulled to right now. I'll admit that I kind of miss being a student, although in some ways I've learned more mass knowledge from this year beyond all others.

Oprah's episode today really validated me and took a little weight off my heart. It was about marriage and just thinking about who you are as a person and not losing yourself in a (marriage) relationship. Not that I ever lost myself in Matt, but. . . I won't go into it all here, but it made me think about how when I was breaking it off with Matt one of the things I was considering was that I might want to go do a worldwide mission experience, or go work somewhere crazy, etc., and how a lot of those reasons I think added up to a deep need to know myself better and simply grow up before I made that committment. And even though I regret the decision, I have to acknowledge that I like growing up and getting to know myself and the Lord so much better.

As painful, bottom hitting, and long as this year has been, it has been I think, the most valuable and deep of my short short life. I have grown up more than I ever had and learned about experiencing my relationship with God in every life situation, and also grown so much in my faith and the daily nourishing of it - because it needs to be watered like a plant and fed daily! :)

Today I bought two things on Amazon. One was my very own book of concord. I am ashamed not to own my own copy and look forward to leafing the pages! The other was the book by the psychologist on Oprah called "Lies at the Altar" which is basically about examining who you really are in the face of a wedding relationship. It also contains a list of hundreds of questions you should ask anyone who you are thinking about marriage with. I plan on grilling some lucky boy in the future - hopefully!

I feel like this hymn could be my theme song these days:

Will you come and follow me, If I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know And never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown, will you let my name be known,
will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?

Will you leave your self behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare should your life attract or scare,
will you let me answer prayer in you and you in me?

Will you love the ‘you' you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around
through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?


well, except for that I don't think God wants us to quite "leave our selves behind" but rather realize our true selves though Him and the "renewing of our minds."
I really think the emphasis of the not the same is important - as Christians we are called to be different, not for the purpose of being obstinant or rebellious, but to serve the Lord and not the other things which distract and deceive us from Him. Not the same. Like the Ben Folds song! :

you gave your life
to Jesus Chirst
and after all your friends went home
you came down
you looked around

and you were not the same after that
and you were not the same after that
and you were not the same after that

you took the word
and made it heard
and eased the people's pain after that

by the way, I thought today's blog needed a picture as I haven't had one in a while, so here are a couple . . . of my Winter Cel '06 (AP) small group doing prayer, and well nevermind maybe not. blogger doesn't want to.

gnonai auton.
amen.