Brett's Discernment

Let me sing you a waltz . . .
I think by ideal man can be summarized by the relationship between Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke's characters in these movies.
That longing for deep, unbridled yet sophisticated and intuitive conversation is I think what I also look for with my relationship with my Lord. Something so overwhelming, life-altering, that even though I may go astray from it sometimes, I can never be the same, never forget, always return, always enthralled.
Enthralled. I think that's an amazing word to describe the depth of knowledge and emotion that are involved with "soulmate" and Savior relationships, and though not the same on most levels, total enthrallment is a common factor. It reminds me of the poem by John Donne.

Batter My Heart, Three-Person'd God

Batter my heart, three person'd God; for, you

As yet but knocke, breathe, shine, and seeke to mend;

That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow mee,'and bend

Your force, to breake, blow, burn and make me new.

I, like an usurpt towne, to'another due,

Labour to'admit you, but Oh, to no end,

Reason your viceroy in me, me should defend,

But is captiv'd, and proves weake or untrue.

Yet dearley'I love you,'and would be loved faine,

But am betroth'd unto your enemie:

Divorce mee,'untie, or breake that knot againe,

Take mee to you, imprison mee, for I

Except you'enthrall mee, never shall be free,

Nor ever chaste, except you ravish mee.

This poem is so powerful to me. I think that, but then I kick myself for not being more attuned to the wisdom the Gospel has for me.


This quote from Before Sunrise reminds me of the idea of "right relationship," and our necessity to not only have a personal connection with our Lord but also that we must have a community and see the Lord and grace through each other.

"If there's any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed, but... who cares, really? The answer must be in the attempt. "

I'm such a non-traditional candidate for seminary. I have no connections, whereas every seminary student I know has connections out the ying yang. Within that I have no family members in ministry. I didn't go to RoCo or any Lutheran school. I may be judged as seemingly hesitant having delayed my seminary entrance for two years and not keeping up good communication with Chip & the committee. But the freeing thing is that I don't care, at all. I'm going to get there and I'm excited!